Sunday, October 25, 2009

Supergirl No More

I must confess. I've thought about superheroes a lot lately. Last weekend my preoccupation with them probably had something to do with the Batman wings that were lying on the kitchen floor until this weekend or fact that I shopped for costumes for my children last Friday night. My four-year-0ld son was insistent that he be Superman. Again. Or maybe it was the fact that for two days running my Superman came up with numerous ways to rescue Ariel, AKA his big sister, Liv. Then this weekend, with Halloween falling on a Saturday, I've been surrounded by superheroes of all sorts.

At any rate, I've had the lyrics to a song "Save Me" that I think is from a cartoon stuck in my head:

I'm a Supergirl and I'm here to save the world,
What I wanna know is who's gonna save me?
I'm a Supergirl and I'm here to save the world,
But I wanna know why I feel so alone.

At times I feel like this. As a forty-year-old single parent of a 2 really high maintenance kids, a center director by day (at the center my district manager has called the busiest she's seen in twenty years) and as a writer by night, when I slow down long enough at the end of my 18 hour days to think about it I ask myself "What have you just done? That was insane!"

Take my blog for instance. I started this post last Sunday night around 11PM in an futile attempt to meet my self imposed standard of posting every weekend. By midnight I succumbed to my exhaustion and promised myself that I'd finish the next day. Then I went to work and got caught up in a tsunami of issues that wiped me out. Now a week later, here I am rushing to meet my deadline for the same post.

Why do I push myself so hard to post? After all, isn't taking the best possible care of my children and doing the best I can at my job (two of my ministries) enough? Not for me. For me I feel compelled to write (my other ministry).
Today's Christian Woman once published an article entitled "Called, Capable and Exhausted". I can relate. I'm compelled, called, capable and yes, exhausted.
I'd like to give readers a glimpse into my Supergirl world, but since it's almost 11PM and I'm too tired to type what I did this weekend, I'll just leave the summary of activities I typed last weekend here:

I drove to Cincinnati to get the kids, took them to McDonald's, shopped for costumes and pumpkins, visited a friend's house, bought continental breakfast for Saturday morning center training, attended training, shopped for ballet shoes for my daughter, went on a hayride and to a pumpkin patch, went to dinner with friends so kids could socialize, (turned friends down for more socializing). Attended telechurch (I believe the Lord understands), changed kitty litter, did 3 loads of laundry including folding and putting away, ironed, gathered and took out trash, cleaned 3 bathrooms, responded to emails, organized bills, prepared meals, bathed children, read to, etc. Filled out school paperwork for H1N1 vaccination. Started blog at 11:45PM. Slapped nail polish on and typed while it dried. Stayed up all night with son's ear infection.
No wonder I'm tired!
Lest it sounds like I'm doing nothing but complaining - and by the end of the post it does get better - I did get to do something that was just for me: I watched Lost in Austen on You Tube until 2Am Sat. morning and 3Am Sun. morning because that was only time I could uninterrupted.
Pride and Prejudice is one of my favorite novels of all time, yet I had never heard of this British miniseries. Tucked under the covers watching it on my laptop, I became blissfully lost in another world and felt as though God had provided me with an unexpected stay cation.
Yes, even Supergirls needs down time. LOL!
While watching it dawned on me that just as Levi devises ways to rescue Liv, the Lord has done the same for us.
I only feel alone when I am trying to operate in my own strength instead of relying on His strength which is made perfect in my weakness.
In the film "Spiderman" Peter Parker decided he's had enough of the superhero life. I've come to the same point. I can't save myself but I know who is waiting and mighty to save me.

So I'm handing in my cape and crying out for help to the only one who is able to rescue me from the ridiculous expectations I place on myself.
Caring for my children and going to work are not optional. I have to do both. And I still want to write. I just don't want to try to do it any of it in my own strength, but His.
I'm so thankful He used a holiday I've never really been fond of to remind me that I have to be Supergirl no more.
~Truly, Tammi

P.S. With His help, I made my deadline with 5 whole minutes to spare! What a mighty God we serve!

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